I was pivoting forward in my new career at 23 years old, as a policy and consultation officer in the community sector, when my hand began to hurt. Then my arm, my neck, and so on. Handwriting, telephoning on a landline, and being hypervigilant due to my passion for my work, meant I sat at my desk for endless hours. In retrospect that was not the issue, but at that stage of the last century, people had only just heard of ergonomics. And Repetitive Strain Injury was only in factories, apparently. (This condition is now called Occupational Overuse Syndrome due to the recognition that it is not only repetitive movement that causes the inflammation, pain, and muscle failure.)
My work dreams about helping to make the world a better place through my work were slashed. I was told my injury was so severe I would never work again.
I couldn’t do the usual things in life, like drive my car, or pick up cutlery. Public transport was too painful due to the bumps and thumps. I had to sip soup from a straw to feed myself, as both arms were so painful. I had full time disability carers, and friends and family on a food roster. Oddly enough I was going out dancing with my friends regularly, as one does. I wore full length compression gloves to protect myself, and people oddly thought I was dressing up to look elegant. I would sometimes feel reduced pain after dancing all night.
After trying multiple modalities I’d run out of options trying to live a pain free life. That’s when my friend persuaded me to immerse myself into Feldenkrais. My first private session with someone had me flustered. I pondered; why am I moving my pelvis when I can’t use my hands? My friend insisted I persist and do the whole professional training. I read the book ‘The Potent Self’ by Moshe Feldenkrais, and so, I did and it got me even more intrigued.
“Most people will agree that the body and the mind are two aspects of the same thing, or two poles of the same entity, but they still cannot appreciate that there is no mind without environment…. Thoughts or feelings without their actual content due to the personal experience of the environment are nothing more than electrical changes in the structure of the nervous system. It is the connection of these changes with the environment that makes such a change into a feeling of affection for somebody, or into a sensation of red, or into the ideas of continuity, acceleration, beauty, or justice.” -Moshe Feldenkrais, The Potent Self, p 149-150.
To begin with, of course, there were lots of Awareness Through Movement lessons, most of which I could not do. So at first I still didn’t get it; why was I lying around doing this stuff? It did take me out of my usual mindset, but I still didn’t understand why I was there. Then I learnt to really listen to my body, instead of shutting down its annoying screaming at me. I learnt how to hold myself out of the agonising place, to reduce my endeavours to excel and achieve. I calculated I could do approximately 30% of some lessons. Meanwhile my friends helped me to turn the pages of books to feed my evolving intrigue about anatomy, physiology, neurology, etc. Finally, my first Functional Integration emerged, my first hands on process, that felt safe and inclusive. It gave me guidance to understand how my nervous system was in sympathetic mode, which ironically was not kind but left me constantly contracted. I write this with retrospective knowledge of what I was learning then, as at the time I had no idea how the human body functioned. Shifting to a more aligned posture (or ‘acture’), my eyes landed in a different place, literally to the horizon, and metaphorically. I felt like they were looking at the world in a different way. I came to understand the parasympathetic nervous system’s role in allowing myself to shift the fight, flight, freeze response, to the rest and digest mode, and find balance. I had no pain for the first time in around 4 or 5 years. I left the training immediately after, to sit with myself, and cry with joy. Within around one and a half hours the pain started grabbing me again.
Pain and no pain were having a discussion, a debate, wrangling for predominance. The trainers’ knowledge and insights were extraordinary, some of which enlightened me beyond words, both with distinguishable precision in their perceptions of Moshe’s work that included structured analysis of his layered insight into the human condition. Instead of just curiosity I gained clarity.
Wonder is one of the most significant recognitions of human learning and mine has persisted over the years; and it all started in the training. The physics, motor development, biomechanics, martial arts, neuroscience, neuroplasticity, psychology, integration; the concept of somatics, our brain and body as one. The language, philosophy, awareness, our movement intelligence, the emotional connection to our movement patterns. Enhancing posture, flexibility, coordination, reversibility and changing one’s self-image are all part of the long list of understanding human function.
I believe Moshe Feldenkrais once said something like: if everyone did this work, there would be no war. (Apologies for no reference.) I contemplate this concept regularly. What is it about this modality that can change the way we behave? If we find time to immerse ourselves in our embodied self, can this remove the urges to endeavour to gain power through force, and release the chemicals of the brain such as dopamine and thus feel control?
As Victor Frankl put it: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I believe Moshe may have considered that if we bring our awareness to our selves, not just our bodily patterns, but our emotional experiences, we may have the capacity to regulate our behaviour. And find oxytocin.
Immersion in the training did indeed get me better and I was able to return to my work world, with minor instead of major disabilities. However, with the introduction of computers (yes that’s showing my age and when my training was) in an environment that did not understand ergonomics (as is still partly the truth), my injury returned. So I began developing Feldenkrais strategies for working in office environments, and so it began.
I have run a successful practice since 1991. I no longer have an injury and I became a dance teacher!
But it doesn’t end there. I still go dancing!
Margaret Kaye has been teaching the Feldenkrais Method of Movement for over 20 years. Margaret is a certified Feldenkrais® Practitioner, Assistant Trainer, and member of the Australian Feldenkrais Guild. She has run an active practice since graduation from the Melbourne Feldenkrais Professional Training Program in 1991.
Due to an Occupational Overuse injury Margaret was unable to work for several years. This is now a speciality area, amongst others. Margaret also specialises in working with performers, such as actors, musicians and athletes.
She has conducted lessons in various tertiary educational institutions including: the Australian Institute of Music (AIM), both with actors in Dramatic Arts and musicians in the Body Awareness for Musicians class in Classic Performance; and the National Institute of Dramatic Arts (NIDA).
Margaret’s website: www.feldenkrais.net.au